Sorry, ladies, if I have ever done any of these things at the gym. I wouldn’t dare TALK to a girl at the gym, but sometimes I can’t help if my eyes somehow accidentally trail off in the general direction of your yoga pants. – Dan
You had one job!!!
The new iPhone camera includes a new slow-motion setting.
Predictably, the hot new trend on Reddit is dudes uploading videos of their girlfriends’ breasts bouncing in slow motion.
A 14-year-old girl woke up from having her wisdom teeth removed, thinking that she was a professional NASCAR driver.
The girl is named Annie, and a Youtube video shows her proudly stating, ”I’m a NASCAR driver and I am No. 1.”
From there, she brags that she “won the world series of being the fastest NASCAR driver” and seems to believe that the reason she was ever in surgery.
The real fun starts when Annie’s mom tells her that she is not a NASCAR driver, and Annie tearfully whimpers, “I am.”
And he has a heartbreaking story about a friend who got sick before Obamacare, that unfortunately had to turn to cooking meth to pay for his treatments. If you’re a fan of Breaking Bad and Aaron Paul, you should dig this. NO spoilers, either, bitches!
Kanye West went after Jimmy Kimmel, hours after Kimmel mocked Kanye’s recent BBC Radio 1 interview with a reenactment sketch that replaced Kanye with a child, acting like the rapper.
The rapper threatened the TV host on Twitter. Tweets included,
In his monologue, Kimmel revealed that Kanye really had called him in his office earlier in the day.
Kimmel explained, Kanye “is very angry because of a bit we aired this week. He gave an interview to the BBC, and we had a kid actor take the words and reenact it. We just had the kid say the stuff Kanye said. And apparently this upset him.”
Kimmel said Kanye gave him two choices, the first being to “apologize publicly.”
“And that was really the only choice — the other choice he gave was ‘my life…your life is going to be much better if I apologize,’ and then he started tweeting today. And I don’t even know if I’ve seen some of these because they’re happening as we speak.”
He read some of West’s tweets on the air and responded to them.
– “JIMMY KIMMEL PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES … OH NO THAT MEANS YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN TOO MUCH GOOD PU–Y IN YOUR LIFE…”
Kimmel’s response: “I’ve seen the video. I know.”
– “SHOULD I DO A SPOOF ABOUT YOUR FACE OR YOU FUCKING BEN AFFLECK…#NODISRESPECTTOBENAFFLECK #ALLDISRESPECTTOJIMMYKIMMEL!!!!”
Kimmel’s response: “Which, by the way, was a spoof. I don’t know if he thought that was the news.”
He added of their phone conversation: “And by the way, he told me on the phone — and I swear to God this is true– ‘I am the most powerful voice in media. I am PAC.’ He said ‘PAC’ a few times to me. I guess he means Tupac.
Kimmel continued, “He said, ‘You will never be able to show your face at a 14-year-old’s high school football game and be cool again!’ He really is Pac. I mean that’s right out of the Tupac playbook, isn’t it?”
Kimmel said he still isn’t sure why West is so angry given that the bit was “pretty innocuous.”
Kimmel joked, “Finally, I’m in a rap feud. I always wanted to be in a rap feud.”
He also joked, “Right now we’re at DefKanye Five…”
Theory checks out. Thanks College Humor!
In case your head’s messed up and you were having doubts about the awesomeness that will be “Through the Never” from Metallica, this full performance of Master of Puppets should straighten you out. Just imagine this in 3D on an IMAX screen, and REALLY LOUD.
Is six seconds of Internet fame really worth it?
This seemed like a good idea, right? Judging from the aftermath, it was a great idea! These are the guys who will be running the country in 15 years, btw.