Eat the Muffin

No! Just, no. It could be worse, I guess. You could be eating spoiled cheese that smells like feet, or pouring sour milk over your Cinnamon Toast Crunch.  You could take a drink from a can of pop that people have ashed their smokes in.  You could do so many things that are worse.  But doing this in front of the ladies isn’t going to get you laid.  Either way, sweet soundtrack on this vid.

Longest In-Grown Hair EVER

Maybe not EVER, but damn. You know you want to watch this. You want to compare it to your own ingrown hairs. Or, just feel better about yourself for not having this monstrosity in your face. Gross.

Video: The Science of Being Santa

Having trouble believing in Santa Claus? Well, Buzzfeed has explained how it’s scientifically possible for Santa to do what he does. Also, he’s WAY WORSE than the NSA when it comes to respecting our privacy. Damn, Santa. Maybe you should get a lump of coal.

Video: Christmas Classics by Angry Bears Fan

A recent YouTube video by Phil Guay puts a hilarious twist on popular Christmas carols, as sung by a “Very Angry Bears Fan.”

The video was uploaded Sunday, the day before the Bears lost yet again, this time at home at the hands of the New Orleans Saints.

“As fans we wear our Bears apparel/fail fail fail, fail fail fail fail, fail fail fail…”

The Bears sit at 5-9, last in the NFC North division. That record also assures them a losing season this year.

Viral: Dog Thinks He is People

We’d say our pets are just like humans, but honestly, we know they’d take offense. (You know the drill: It’s our dogs’ world, and we’re just living in it.) Seriously though, we treat them like humans, it only seems natural that they would take on some of our characteristics. Next thing you know, the dog will be typing politically incorrect comments on news stories and blaming the government for its problems. Sad, really.

Still, we can’t help but notice that this talented canine, recorded by YouTube user JoMaJe1527, walks and dresses and delights just like a person.

 

Girlfriend Pepper Sprays Toilet Paper as Revenge

A woman supposedly sick of being pranked by her boyfriend has got her own back by pepper spraying his toilet paper, then filming his reaction.

She offers ice cubs to ease the pain. When his suffering then becomes worse, the woman admits she pepper sprayed them too.

The man eventually stumbles to the shower where he douses himself with the detachable shower head while fully clothed.

 

Magician Gets Out of Speeding Ticket With Rubik’s Cube Trickery

magiccube

There really aren’t many reasons to become a magician these days other than cheap living room entertainment. You definitely can’t score women with your magic. Though there might be one of those awful double standards where if you’re a girl it’d help you pick up a dude. That’s besides the point, because there’s totally a legit use for magic in 2014. Getting out of speeding tickets!

“For my next trick, I will make these charges disappear!”