In a funny performance at the this year’s College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational, a dad from Utah runs down all the ways he’s been preparing for the boy who might one day break his daughter’s heart.
Some of the lines from his poem:
‘To the boys who will one day date my daughter,’ ‘I have been waiting for you.
‘Since before her birth. since before my spark took hold and ignited a fire in her mother’s belly, I have been training to kill you.’
‘Pay no attention to my ample crawlspace, my room with a rubber mat and a drain. Be careful to only approach me with love for my daughter. ‘
‘To the girls who may one day date my daughter: My wife is a better shot than I am.’
Check it out!
Seriously, just wait for it. The payoff is worth it.
A Tennessee couple who used a melted gummy bear to spice up their sex life were featured on the TLC show, “Sex Sent Me To The E.R.”
The guy got his girlfriend the giant gummy bear as a gift. They decided to heat up the candy and drizzled the goo on the woman’s chest. She said her chest felt like it was on fire because the candy never cooled after making contact. She ended up suffering sugar burns.
The boyfriend tried to lick the goo off her chest but ended up burning his tongue.
And he doesn’t care if he has to jump over a tall gate to do it. At least a littler of puppies won’t be a surprise, thanks to this surveillance camera.
I’ve always said I would prefer it this way, but I’m not so sure after watching this vid. – Dan
This dude has found the most memorable parts of a bunch of songs and put em all together in little two second snippets. Just as you figure out the riff, he’s already moved on!
Just last weekend on SNL, “Brian Kilmeade” also mistook the NAACP for the NCAA. Check that out here:
Reddit user BennyTheBuff posted a clip of his son attempting to say “thank you”… dopping the ‘than’ for ‘fuc’…. etc.
The Feds released a disturbing new 30-second video that they’re hoping will ‘inspire drivers to keep their phones in their pockets while behind the wheel’.
The clip features a group of young people driving, checking their cell phones and talking. The driver’s phone beeps, she looks down to check it as she drives through a stop sign. A truck plows into their car, rolling it end over end down a deserted street.
A police officer steps in and says: “Nobody likes to be stopped by the police. But if I’d seen her texting while driving, it just might have saved her life.”
According to distraction.gov, about 421,000 people were injured in automobile crashes that involved a distracted driver in 2012.
A study from the University of Michigan Transportation Research Institute found that roughly 25 percent of teens respond to a text at least once every time they drive.
Another study found that the average time a driver has their eyes off the road while texting is five seconds.